High Anxiety Day

Today is a very high anxiety day for me. I took my meds so I don't know why I am feeling like this but I feel like something bad is going to happen and I can't shake the feeling of doom coming upon me. I hate feeling like this! I have been doing good until today. Either my doctor needs to adjust my meds again or I need a new doctor that will listen to me and help me for once. I am so tired of feeling like this. I probably sound like I am whining but it helps to write it out even if no one reads this.

I feel paranoid, depressed and scared and so tired of feeling like this. I am having trouble concentrating on work and I really need the money for bills right now. I have to force myself to work and I hate when I have to do that.

Time for me to stop whining and procrastinating and chill out. Gotta get to work and try to make this a productive day.

Better Day

I made it through the terrible Lexapro withdrawals! It was so horrible yesterday but today was better since I actually got some work done. I didn't get all of my work done but I got bill paying work done so that at least is good.

I don't have much to post tonight except for feeling much better. I will post again soon! :)

Lexapro Withdrawals

I am having a terrible day! I am currently on Lexapro, Abilify and Klonopin for depression, Bipolar and anxiety. The pharmacy must have shorted me on the Lexapro because I ran out a few days early and am experiencing some withdrawal symptoms from it. I am feeling terrible. Jittery, restless and just plain terrible. I am smoking too much because my body feels like it needs something and I keep reaching for the cigarettes. It is not helping. I am having trouble concentrating on work. Thank God I work from home or else I would be going even more crazy.

I looked up Lexapro withdrawal symptoms on Google and found out that is what is wrong with me. I am having all of the symptoms. This is terrible. I have to write some articles today and do some titling for Demand Studios. I have managed to get one article done. One! And it is already 3:30 in the afternoon. I haven't even tried to title because when I woke up I decided to do some writing first. A lot of good that has done me. I don't know what to do to ease these symptoms. I guess I have to go through them because I have to work. I cannot lay down on the couch and not work since we need the money. Argh! I guess I will just have to get through it somehow.

Tens Unit and Muscle Stimulator

I have been going to Physical Therapy for back problems for the last three weeks. I have one more week to go and I am done. They have been using a tens unit and muscle stimulator along with a heat pack on my back. That and the exercises are helping ease up the pain in my back.

When I get there they do a deep tissue massage on my back. Then I have to lay down and do some exercises to stretch my back and leg muscles. I also do them at home to keep my back from stiffening up. After all that I sit with the tens unit and muscle stimulator on my back for 20 minutes.

I have been thinking of getting a tens unit and found a website online where they can be purchased for a lot cheaper than they would normally be. The website is Lgmedsupply.com and their prices compared to the original price are unbelievably cheap. The original price for a Tens Unit and Muscle Stimulator is $569 but Lgmedsupply.com's price is only $109! Wow that is pretty cheap!

A tens unit and muscle stimulator works by putting little pads on your back where the pain is, I am sure you can put it on other body parts as well such as the legs and arms too. You set the time on the machine and turn it up as high as you can stand it and then you feel little electric shocks in your back. It is like an electrical massage.

If you have been having severe back pain and are in the market for a tens unit or muscle stimulator then check out lgmedsupply.com and check out their cheap prices!

Disabled Shop Blogging Contest Entry

Living with Social Anxiety Disorder

I was always a shy kid and my mom and family and even I thought I would outgrow it. When I became a teenager I was somewhat normal. I hung out with friends, went to the movies, and even went to school with no problem. Of course I was pretty much stoned all the time too so maybe that is why I thought I was somewhat normal.

My Life Changed

As soon as I hit my early 20's my life changed. I was working for the Summer Youth Program and when I first started I thought things would be great. It was a cleaning job which was no big deal to me. There really wasn't that many people working there either. Then the panic attacks started happening. I started calling off work almost every day with the excuse that I was sick. My husband and I started fighting because he wanted to go to family get-together's and I didn't want to. Yeah my life changed big time.

I was the shy little girl again. I wouldn't even go to my own family get-together's and my mom was getting annoyed with me. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I eventually starting going to family get-together's to keep everyone happy but I was not happy. I would sit in the corner and try to avoid everyone which was rude but it wasn't my fault. I still didn't know what was wrong with me.

A Self Diagnosis

A few months later I saw a commercial on t.v about Zoloft and how the guy in the commercial had trouble in social situations. Then I talked to my mom and dad and found out that two of my aunts on my dads side had something called Social Anxiety Disorder. So I started thinking that maybe that was what my problem was since I had all the signs. At the time I didn't have any health insurance so I couldn't afford to go to a psychiatrist.So I let it go for a while but at least I knew there was a name for what was wrong with me and eventually I could get on medication.

Eventually, I talked to a case worker at the welfare office. She said I could sign up for SSI for Social Anxiety Disorder and get health insurance so I could get on medication. I didn't want to do it but I did. I went through all the hoops, got the insurance and got on the meds.

A Professional Diagnosis

I got diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Depression, Panic Disorder, Generalized Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. When I was told all of this I felt like a giant outcast and I felt pathetic. I signed up for SSI and still haven't won my case. I have been to two hearings and have been fighting them for four years now. The meds work somewhat but I still have panic attacks when I am around too many people. I have trouble going to Wal-Mart still and sometimes have to go outside and leave my husband to do the shopping so I can get some air and get away from all of those people. I have to force myself to go to my niece, nephew, and great niece's birthday parties and then I can't wait to get home. I hate living like this. I also don't have a drivers licence because I am afraid of the other cars coming at me. When I am in the car with my mom or dad and I see the cars on the other side of the road coming at us I have to do my breathing exercises to avoid a panic attack.

I even have trouble talking on the phone. I don't have a problem talking to my family on the phone but I have a hard time bringing myself to talk to strangers and even some people I know from the welfare office and the social security office. I stutter and have panic attacks and have to hand the phone to my husband.

Living with all of this is horrible. I deal with it the best way I know how but it is really hard.

The above post is a competition entry for the disabled shop blog. If you would like to enter this competition, please click here.

Manic High

Wow! I am going through a major manic episode today. I have Bipolar disorder and I ran out of my meds. Since I have no way to the pharmacy, I have to wait until tomorrow before I get my meds again. I have been without them for almost two weeks and I am starting to feel it now. I have to admit, I like the manic episodes because I have a ton of energy and can get more things done with housework and writing. So, after this blog post I am going to clean the house and start writing this story that is screaming in my head to get out. I haven't written fiction in a while and it is high time I get back into it.

I can tell I am going through a manic episode because I am talking and typing faster than usual. My mind is racing and I can't get the words out fast enough. I have excess energy and I feel like running a marathon! I would much rather have a manic episode than a low or depressed episode. When I am depressed I don't want to do anything and that includes clean my house.

So I am going to go clean house and write some stuff before I lose all of this extra energy. :)

Today is a Better Day

Today was much better than yesterday. I had more energy today and I was able to clean my whole house without forcing myself to. I cleaned everything. Scrubbed floors, cleaned the bathroom, did laundry. It felt good to actually do something positive for once.

It was nice outside too so the dogs were able to stay out most of the day. Which was a relief to me. I also wrote two articles for ehow and got one accepted for Associated Content. Demand Studios wants a re-write, of course so I have to work on that tomorrow. All in all it was a great day!

Tomorrow, I get paid from some of the programs I am in so I am going to do a bit of Christmas shopping online. I am going to buy my mom, dad's and husband's gifts online. Hopefully, it will be nice out so the dogs can stay out tomorrow too.

I hope this good feeling lasts a bit longer. I think my energy level came from the diet pills I am taking. I started taking Slimquick to help me lose a little weight and I think they are working finally. I hope so because they weren't cheap! :)

One of those days

It is one of those agitating days. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I have seven dogs and 6 puppies. Four dogs are in the house because of the rain and then there are the six puppies. At least they are still young enough to sleep all the time.

I knew what I was getting myself into when I took all these dogs in but geez, they can sure drive me nuts sometimes. Imagine living in a small trailer with a husband who likes to sit there and pick at you for fun and seven dogs to take care of. Five dogs sleep in the house at night until we get the fence up and I am still waiting on my husband to get off his butt and put it up. It is a nightmare right now.

On top of all of that I got my denial letter from Social Security the other day. I was planning on getting another bigger trailer brought in here to add on to this one so we can have more room. Now that I am not getting my money I thought I was going to get, no bigger trailer.

Christmas is right around the corner and I have been working my butt off online to buy Christmas gifts. I will only be able to buy everyone one thing this year. Itis really no different from last year and the year before.

I just need a break big time. I need someone to lend me some money so I can get a bigger trailer brought in here. Not only is it too small, but we are heating with one small heater in the living room, one small heater in the bedroom for the puppies, and the oven. I really hate Winter. I wish it was Spring or Summer all year round. That is why I would love to move to Florida someday. I wouldn't miss the snow or cold weather one bit since I have been living here in Ohio in the cold all my life.

I pray to God every day and night to give me one small break. This doesn't help my depression one bit. Sometimes it feels like everything happens at once and everything is falling down around me all the time.

Back to fighting with Social Security again. I even had a lawyer this time and still didn't win. I am so tired of fighting them but I will not give up. In the meantime, I will be writing articles until my eyes bug out.

SSI woes!

I applied for SSI 4 years ago and have had two hearings already. This time I had a lawyer and I still got denied. I am so sick of this crap with them. I am ready to give up but social security said not to. They said I will eventually get it. I was hoping I would have gotten it in time for Christmas but that isn't happening now. I am just tired of messing with them.

I suffer from social anxiety disorder and Bipolar disorder. My husband got it for being Bipolar and it only took him seven months. I have been fighting them for 4 years now. My brother-n-law got it for having a seizure disorder and it only took him two months. Neither one of them had to go to a hearing and they didn't have to get a lawyer. The lawyer I had was supposed to be one of the best in this area. When I went to the hearing, I had to do almost all of the talking. She was a half hour late and she mostly just sat there. When I appeal this time, I am getting a new lawyer.

I also suffer from depression and this time of year it is worse. The days are shorter and it is cold and snowy and rainy most of the time. We don't have a car and even if we did we couldn't go anywhere when the roads are bad. I really hate Winter and as much as I like Christmas, it looks like we won't have much of one because I don't make much money online. I make enough to get by. I will just have to work a little harder, as usual.

Anyway, I am a little depressed today because of getting denied and decided I would write it down and maybe feel a little better. I hope I get it next time.

Really Down Today

I am so depressed today. I got my meds back but I have to give them time to kink in again since I was without them for a while. I need to work because I need the money but I cannot concentrate on writing. I am having a hard time writing this post but I thought maybe I would feel better if I got this off of my chest. I hate feeling this way.

I am also depressed because I am trying to find a different job that doesn't require writing web content. I am sick of writing web content and it is harder to do when you have a hard time concentrating. I am looking for data entry work or something similar and I am not having any luck. I signed up with some freelance sites and applied for a few but haven't heard back. I guess it will take a while and, like most things, I shouldn't expect too much right away. That really sucks though.

The weather isn't helping my mood either. It is really dreary outside and reminds me that summer is almost over. I didn't get to do anything this summer at all. I stayed home because I couldn't afford to and I don't have a car. It sucks not having a car and having to bum a ride every time you need to go somewhere.

Well, that's it for now. I hope these meds kick in soon so I can get out of this brain fog I am in.

Bad day

I got my meds today and since I have been without them for so long I am having a hard time getting work done. I can't concentrate, I can't get my self to write an article and I just can't do anything. I hate having these mental conditions. It's not fair that I have to live like this.

I thought when I got my meds back that I would feel better, wrong. I feel just as bad if not worse. I have to get used to them all over again and it may take a while. IN the meantime, how am I going to accomplish anything? This is so not fair at all. Right now I feel like zombie and I just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide and never come out.

I just had to get that off my chest. I pray I feel better soon.

Yesterday Depressed, Today a Manic Episode!

Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I drug my butt around all day trying to get things done. The result, I did dishes, and wrote two blog posts and two articles. Not a very productive day to say the least. I also felt very worthless and was even having suicidal thoughts. It was a long and bad day and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

So today I woke up feeling energized and really good about myself. I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so different than yesterday. Then it hit me, I am having a manic episode. I am on a manic high right now! The reason for these mood swings is because I am Bipolar and I ran out of my medicine and although they are due now and I took them right, I can't get a ride to the pharmacy to get them until Thursday. So I have two more days of not knowing how I am going to feel when I wake up. I hate it!

On the bright side of all of this, I wrote two articles for Associated Content and three articles for Demand Studios today. Plus I just finished one blog post on my main blog and am writing this one now. Plus I am going to write on another one of my blogs. I am a writing fool today and even though I love the energy, I do not like how I got it. I hate Bipolar disorder.

So now I can't stop writing, which is a good thing. And I need to use up all of this energy before it runs out. I hope I get some sleep tonight.

Never, Ever Stop Taking Medication Suddenly

Bi polar disorder is no joke. It can make you feel really low one minute and really up and happy the next. There are medications your doctor will prescribe you if you are diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder that will help elevate your moods. With Bi Polar disorder your moods will fluctuate. One minute you can feel like you are Queen of the freaking world and all of a sudden you come crashing down to feel like you are worthless. This was how I felt before meds. I struggled with different medications until I found the right one. The only problem is it seems like my body gets used to the meds after so long and they quit working. Then I have to try something else and I have to go through it all over again. It is pure hell!

I was on Seroquel, Zoloft, and Klonopin for two years until I got tired of being tired all the time from the Seroquel. I quit taking it all of a sudden and here is what happened:

Why You Should Never Stop Taking Medication

If you read that you will know I became suicidal when I quit taking the Seroquel. The Zoloft wasn't working for me on it's own. I finally had a talk with my doctor and she put me on Abilify with the Seroquel and the Klonopin and they are working fine together.

Please, if you are on meds for depression, Bi Polar, or any other mental disease, never, ever stop taking your medication without first speaking to your doctor. If you read the blog post from the link above, you will understand why.

Having problems with my meds

It seems like every month I run out a week or two early of my Bi polar and depression meds. At first I thought the pharmacy was shorting me so last month I counted them and they were all there. However, I ran out a week early again on my Seroquel and a few days early with my Zoloft. I don't understand it because I am taking them right and I know my husband doesn't take them because he has his own meds. Because of this problem with running out earl, and because my health insurance does not pay for my meds until the exact day they are due, I have had to go without and it is really messing me up mentally. I am having problems sleeping again because the Seroquel is what helps me sleep but without it I have to take other sleeping pills just to sleep the whole night. Also I am having major mood swings and my husband and I are fighting more because of it. It's weird because he also started running out of his early too. I don't know how we are running out when they are all there when we get them. So all day I have felt depressed and more tired than usual. I really hate having to go through this. I wish I had better health insurance or I wish I could figure out how I am running out early. I really need to get back on track but I don't know how I can when I run out earl every month. Hopefully I will get thigns straightened out soon because I really hate feeling like this.

Surviving Ben's Suicide, A book review

I just read a book called, “Surviving Ben’s Suicide. This book makes you stop reading and not only think about what you just read but it also makes you really think about life and how problems can really be overcome if you keep trying and never give up. Not only did I completely understand this book, but I felt like I could really relate to Ben and Comfort in so many ways. I am Bi- Polar and so is my husband and even though I have never tried to commit suicide, I have thought about doing it many, many times. Ben and Comfort both had a feeling of not being good enough and I have felt like that all of my life. I can truly relate to how Comfort felt before, during, and after knowing Ben.

Surviving Ben’s Suicide takes you through a young woman’s journey as she falls in love with a young man who suffers from Bi Polar disorder. Anyone who suffers from Bi Polar disorder, low self esteem, and feelings of inadequacy can truly relate to Comfort and Ben. This young couple met in college and share similar feelings of not being good enough. I’m sure anyone has had the feeling of not being good enough in their life no matter if they suffer from Bi Polar disorder or not. You don’t have to be mentally ill to feel this way.

C. Comfort Shields, the author of this book, writes about how she survived feelings of guilt from Ben, her boyfriend, committing suicide. This book will make you laugh a little, cry a little (or a lot) and really make you stop and think how you might relate to Comfort or Ben. Ben suffered from Bi Polar disorder so bad that he felt there was no other way than to end his life, thus ending his suffering. I am in no way justifying Ben for committing suicide. I am saying, however, that I can understand the feeling of loneliness and being “the black sheep” and not feeling like I belong anywhere. Ben felt that there was no one or anything that could help him. I truly wish Ben could have been helped. He was far too young to end his life. He had so much to look forward to. Ben was on medication and he was seeing a therapist but none of that helped him and in the end he just ended his suffering.

As I read this book, I often admired Comfort for the way she dealt with Ben’s mental illness. She tried to reach out and help him and love him but in the end it wasn’t enough. I do admire Comfort for getting on with her life and her future, learning to love again, and having children. Surviving Ben’s Suicide is a must read if you or someone you know has a mental illness. This book might be a comfort for those who have lost loved ones to suicide. I highly recommend reading it.

You can visit C. Comfort Shields at her website:

www.comfortshields.com

Also you might want to check out the publishers site for this book:

www.plannedtelevisionarts.com

A crappy day today

Sorry I haven't posted but I have been having problems getting into my blogs. So now that I am finally on here I am updating all of them.

Today was a crappy day! I'm not depressed but it's my time of the month and everything went wrong today. Phone quit working, had to have hubby fix it. I keep getting knocked off line. I'm having cramps, the picture on the t.v went out until hubby fixed it. Fan quit working. Uggh!! Bad day. Now I am sitting here trying to enjoy a wine cooler and I have heartburn and ran out of my acid reflux pills! So the wine is just making it worse but I'm drinking it anyway.

Otherwise, everything is going great. I have a full time writing job online which is bringing in extra much needed cash every week.

I have been neglecting my fiction and that sucks. I seem to have no time with writing articles, keeping this house clean, keeping my animals happy with attention, and everything else going on. I want to get my short stories done and submitted. I will never be a published author this way. I am just going to have to take the time.

Nothing much else to write about. If you want to read up on some home remedies, check out my AC page, and my ehow page.

My AC page
My Ehow page

Alternative remedies for depression

I know I haven't posted in a while but lately I am finding it harder and harder to keep up with any of my writing. I just recently started writing more for AC and last night I wrote a post in my main blog. I have so much on my mind that I am having a hard time concentrating on anything. Anyway I recently write an article for Associated Content about alternative remedies for depression and thought I would post the link here for those who want to read it.

This article will help those who can't afford prescription drugs or don't want to take prescription drugs. Please read it and leave me a comment either here or on my AC page. Here is the link to my article:

Alternative Remedies for Depression

Take a look at my other articles as well if you like. Here is the link to my CP page where the rest of them are. Subscribe if you want because I have more articles on the way.

My CP page

I hope you enjoy them.

If you would like to sign up for Associated Content and get paid to write articles then go to the link below.

Join Associated Content

I am back

Well it has been a while since I wrote anything on any of my blogs. Two reasons for that, one I was having major computer problems and also writers block but the main reason is that I had to get a new computer. Now I am finally back and hope to have all of my blogs updated soon. It took me a while to log into my blog account and that is another reason I haven't been able to write anything.

Depression wise, things are good. I'm taking my pills like I'm supposed to and am planning on going back to school soon. My hubby got out of jail and is doing good. So not really much to talk about on this blog but I will be updating my other blogs with a few things.

How was everyone's Christmas?

To tell you the truth mine was bad. I have been pretending that I was happy for all of my online friends but the truth is I didn't have a Christmas. My husband never did get out of jail like we were hoping and now he won't be out until January 17th so I didn't get my one and only Christmas wish. I hope everyone else had a good Christmas though. Since my hubby has been in jail I was put on Clonopin for my nerves. This is because of how depressed I have been from missing him so much. They help but I still miss him a lot and can't wait until he comes home. I am planning a big dinner and I am actually trying to make enough money online to be able to buy him a nice Christmas present for his homecoming.

I didn't want anyone to buy me anything but of course my mom bought me a nice warm robe and my aunt bought me a new hat and scarf. It was nice of them to think of me but I truly didn't want them to buy me anything because I couldn't afford to buy anyone anything because of the debt I am in. I only wanted one thing and that was for my husband to come home. Anyway I really didn't want to talk about this but I needed to get it off of my chest and what better way than to write it in my depression blog since I am depressed. Anyway, here's hoping that the New year brings all of us better things and here's to hoping that next Christmas will be better. I hope I didn't bring anyone down for writing this but I had to write it down to see if I could feel a little better. It really didn't work though. Thanks for reading my depressing ramblings.

My main blog

My Yuwie blog

My AC articles

My Squidoo lens

Do you ask yourself "Why does God allow suffering?"

I will tell you from first hand experience that I have been through hell and back in my days. I am still young but I sure have been through a lot as, I'm sure, everyone has. We all have our bad days and our good days but what happens when we go through a really awful time and it seems like there is no hope of ever getting back to the good times? I can tell you the things I have been through have been hard and sometimes it seems like once something bad happens everything falls down on me after. Sometimes it's like a domino effect; one bad thing follows another and another and another until it seems like we just can't take it anymore and feel all hope is lost. But have you ever really sat down and thought about why these bad things happen? I have and to tell you the truth I have learned a lot of things while having a streak of bad luck. The terrible ordeals I have been through have only made me stronger and made me decide to reach out to God more.

In my last post I told you about how my husband went to jail for driving without his license and even though it is a bad thing because I miss him terribly I have realized that that was God's way of telling us "Hey you can't be driving." You know why he shouldn't be driving? Because he has a seizure disorder and the last time he was behind the wheel he had a seizure while driving and almost died. About a short month after he went to court, and this was his second offense, and the judge sentenced him to 90 days in jail. Sure we were upset, mad, even angry with God. We wondered why God could let this happen. I think there are a couple of other reasons this happened to us. One reason could be because I depended on my husband too much and I think I needed to learn how to live on my own and take care of myself and do things that I never had to do before because my husband was always here to do them. I never, ever imagined that I would be without him one day but you know what? This is not the only time I will be without him and this is only temporary because he will hopefully be home within the next week or so. I have realized that one day, if his time comes before mine, he will be gone and I won't get to be with him again until I get to heaven. So maybe this was God's way of telling me I had to live on my own and do things for myself. For example, one of my cats died a couple of weeks ago, she was only about a month old, and I found her dead and cried my eyes out of course but my husband wasn't here to bury her like he has done for all of our other animals we have lost over the years. So I buried her and I have never buried an animal before in my entire life. But I did it and it wasn't hard to do, except it was hard on my heart, but it wasn't physically hard.

Another thing I have learned, and my husband has too since being in jail and away from me, is that we have such a deep and strong love for each other we can get through anything life throws at us. It seems our love has grown even stronger since we have been apart and we miss each other so much it hurts but we know it won't be too much longer before he gets home. This is just another example of God trying to tell us something.

Anyway I found a wonderful website that talks about reasons why God allows suffering. There is so much evil in this world and a lot of suffering. A lot of people are suffering much more than I am and I have also learned that. Some people think their life is so bad that no one can possibly have it worse but a lot of people are so much worse off than you and I. What about the homeless? What about people in different countries who are starving or freezing to death? What about the many innocent people who die in terrorists attacks every day in certain countries? What about children who are abused either sexually, mentally, or physically? Think about what they might be going through and then ask yourself if your life is really that bad.

I know people who complain about everything and I do mean everything. They complain about the house they live in or the car they drive or the job they have. They complain about the food they eat and the clothes they wear. Ok to those people I say, at least you have a house to live in and a car to drive. At least you have a job and even if it doesn't pay that much at least it pays the bills. At least you have clothes to wear and food to eat. A lot of people don't have homes, food, cars, jobs, money or anything. So be thankful for what you do have and Thank God for what you do have. I know I am thankful every day for the roof over my head and food in my fridge. I might not have money for Christmas presents this year but the best Christmas present I could have is my husband home and food on our table. That is all I want. Of course I want things to get better for everyone but I am not worried about going out and spending money on presents that I don't have because all I need is my family and a nice dinner to sit down to with them.

Sorry for the long article but this website really made me think about life and why people suffer. The reason I have come up with is because God wants us to learn from the bad things that happen. I can't really say why God allows so many people to suffer such as the homeless, or abused children but I can say that the bad things I have gone through have made me the strong person I am today and has made me really reach out to God and to be thankful for the things I do have instead of complaining about the things I don't have. Why worry about material possessions in this world when we won't be taking them with us to the next world?

Anyway if you do have that question burning in your mind and heart, "Why does God allow suffering?" then please click on the link and check out this wonderful website. There is a course you can take to help you understand more about why there is so much suffering in the world today and maybe even open you up to new ideas and new insights about God and how much He does love all of us and is there for all of us. Maybe this course will help you to understand more about God's will and what he wants you to do with your life. We all have a purpose in life and maybe this will help you find yours. Anyway God bless and Merry Christmas!