A bad day and a doctors appointment

Wow I was ok this morning. I had to get up early to take my cats to the vet to get spayed and then I had a doctors appointment. He upped my dose of propranolol to 60 mg. because I have been having a good bit of migraines again. The only problem is the last time I was on 60mg. I hallucinated on them. Well I took my first dose of the 60 this afternoon after dinner and no hallucinations yet so I think I will be ok on them. The only problem I am having now is that I feel a little down. I feel like something bad is going to happen for some reason. I think the reason I feel like this is because I only had a half of dose of Seroquel last night. I usually take a half a dose when I need to get up early in the morning because if I don't I won't get up when I'm supposed to. I'm going to have to take a half of a dose again tonight because we have to get up early again to go pick up the cats.

So I hope I don't feel like this tomorrow. Gosh I feel like the whole world is coming down on me. When I get like this I don't want to write articles and the problem with that is if I don't write my articles for Associated Content I don't get paid. I haven't been able to write very much lately. It's like I have a bad case of writers block and I can't seem to get out of it. I need help big time. If anyone has any suggestions on how I can get out of writers block then please let me know by leaving me a comment. I will really appreciate it.

The Jefferson County Fair is going on and I don't even get to go to it this year. I haven't been there in years. Yeah I know there will be a crowd of people there but they don't stand around crowding other people in, they move around a lot. I miss the rides I used to go on and the food and games. When I was a teenager I went every year with my friends. Now I can't even go one day because we can't afford it right now. Money problems big time. Oh listen to me I am feeling sorry for myself again but hey that is what happens when someone feels really depressed. I can't help it I feel like crap today.

What I wanted to go for was to see Jack Ingram playing. He was there on the first day which was Tuesday. Joe Zelek will be playing at the fair on Saturday and I was hoping to go but not this time. Oh well I see Joe a lot anyway. All I have to do is go to the Dillonvale Pharmacy and I can see him. The last time I went to watch him sing was when we went to Steubenville to his free concert and we left early because I couldn't handle the crowd. When the hell am I going to be able to live normally? I am so sick of not being able to do things in life. I feel like life is passing me by and I am going to die before I get to see things in the world!

I feel a little better since I got that out of my system. Hopefully the next time I post I will feel much better and be in a better mood.

Not quite there yet

The other day we had to go to my husband's uncle's house because he had a job for us to tear another trailer down behind his house. He tells us to come over in the evening and start because it will be cooler. So we did and Oh my gosh there was so many people there. I thought I would be able to handle it but I couldn't. I started getting nervous and felt a panic attack coming on and I kept telling my husband either we get started on the trailer or we go home. He knew it was bothering me to be around all of those people and it was bothering him too even though it was his family. But we had to wait until his uncle came over to tell us what we needed to do to get started. All that damn time standing there wishing I was home he then finally tells us to go home and come back tomorrow morning since there was so many people there. I wish he would have told my husband that on the phone instead of wasting the gas driving there for nothing. One of his cousins talked my ear off and the other one kept giving me dirty looks and she was a little mouthy with me. She is actually his cousins wife and I do not like her at all. She acts like she is better than everyone. Anyway we went back the next morning and parked behind his house right beside the trailer so we didn't have to be around anyone else. My husband went to the house to tell his uncle we were there and there was a houseful of people again. I swear his house is the meeting place for everyone in town. It is totally ridiculous.

I finally heard from Social Security about my claim. They made me an appointment to go to one of their doctors. I don't know why because I have my own doctor. I guess they're just trying to find out if I'm lying or not. Well they will find out that I am not and that I am not normal. My aunt told my mom that she had to go to the same doctor and as soon as she did she got her money. I really wish I could be normal and not have to go through all this crap. Why can't I be normal and have a normal job like other people? Why can't I go places and have fun like other people? It is really not fair that I have to live like this.

I am not really in the greatest mood today as you can probably tell by my post. I'm feeling a little agitated and depressed today. I hope I feel better tomorrow.

Weather widget not working right.

I just wanted to let everyone know that fior some reason the weather widget isn't working right on my blog. I live in Rayland, Ohio not Windsor Heights, WV so I don't know about this. If I can't get it fixed I'm going to take it off of my blog. I'm not putting it on my other blogs either. I will leave it on this blog for now until I hear back for them because I'm sending the admin at Blogskinny an email letting them know it is not working.

Personalize your blog

It has been said that when you make your blog more personal you bring in more readers because the readers want to feel connected to you in some way. So BlogSkinny has created a widget that displays the weather from your area on your blog. This way your readers can know how the weather is where you live. Pretty cool huh?

All you do is enter your zipcode into the space provided and click on "generate code" and they will create a code for your blog. I am going to try this out and put it on every blog I have. Right now it's pretty hot where I live so I'm going to display "hot" results!

Get your free weather widget and personalize your blog

These last few days....

Last Thursday I think it was, my husband and I decided to go to Steubenville and see The Joe Zelek band play his free concert across from the police station at the Fort Steuben. I was all excited to go until I found out my brother-n-law and his girlfriend were going too. I cannot stand my brother-n-law's girlfriend and truthfully I don't like my brother-n-law all that much anymore either. All he cares about is getting high and drunk everyday. He has his own apartment but he doesn't pay his bills because all of his money goes on drugs and alcohol. AGGGGGHHH!! This drives me crazy because here my husband and I are struggling every month to pay the bills and make sure we have food to eat and this 36 year old "boy", I will call him because he will never grow up, only cares about himself. This stupid girlfriend of his keeps eying my husband and I'm sick of it. When they walked down to the Fort Steuben to see Joe Zelek with us she had on this tank top that showed her fat sticking out and her boobs sticking out. And as if her boobs weren't sticking out enough while we're on the elevator she stands there across from my husband and pushes her boobs out more. Ugghhhh I cannot stand this girl!!

And if that's not enough my drunken brother-n-law keeps throwing her out of his apartment and she sits down my mother-n-laws and cries and pouts and says "I'm never going back to him" and she goes right back to him either that night or the next day!! Every time they get into a fight he throws her out and she ends up down the hall at my mother-n-laws and every time she goes right back to him. I am sick of hearing her whine about how he treats her. He will never change!! My husband and my mother-n-law agree with me 100%! This 36 year old "boy" will never , ever grow up!!

Ok now that I got that out of my system what happened at the Joe Zelek concert is that there were way too many people there and my husband and I both had a panic attack. Not only that but it was way too hot also. I thought the Zoloft would help to where I could go to things like this but I guess I was wrong again. I wasn't having a good time anyway because of his brother and his stupid girlfriend. Every time I think about these 2 I want to scream! It's like they trigger my mood swings. I am 27 years old and am younger than both of them and I am way more mature than both of them. He is 36 and she is 31 and they act like freaking teenagers!!!

Ok I have to quit talking about them because now I'm getting madder than hell!! So on to something good to talk about. Saturday we went to Treasure Island! It is a wonderful flea market and it is huge. Yes there were a lot of people there but the difference with Treasure Island and the concert is that at Treasure Island everyone was moving around so I wasn't crowded in. It was wonderful there. My husband got a brand new pair of Air Jordan tennis shoes for only $15. I got a printer/copier/scanner/fax machine for $25 and my mother-n-law bought us each a paper weight for $1 a piece. My husbands is a picture of an eagle and mine is dolphins. She also got a t-shirt that says "Someone special calls me Nana" and she bought some clothes for her baby grandson, my other brother-n-law's kid. I also got a pair of Calvin Klein shorts for $2 and my husband got a Craftsman tool set for $8. I am going back next month and buying my niece something for her B-day there. They have so much stuff it is hard to get through it all in an hour and that is all we had was an hour because we had to pick my mom up from work. I felt like a kid in a candy store, lol!

Now I want to talk about something else that is bothering me a lot lately. My dad is getting worse with his mental illness. His dad is in a mental institution and I'm afraid my dad is going to be in there next because he is angry about everything. He refuses to get the help he needs and I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless because I can't do anything for him. He has to want the help and in his mind he has it under control. Yeah right, he has never had it under control and never will. I just wish there was something I could do to convince him to get the help he needs.

Well I feel better now that I have all of this off my chest. It feels great to write my feelings down. :)

Oh I almost forgot, here are a few articles I wrote about depression, social anxiety disorder and Bi-Polar disorder:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/192703/diagnosis_and_treatment_of_bipolar.html

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/154581/writing_as_a_self_therapy.html

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/153553/living_with_social_anxiety_disorder.html

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/136524/the_ups_and_downs_of_depression.html

These articles are for those who are suffering from depression, social anxiety disorder and Bi-Polar Disorder. I hope these articles help those who suffer as I did. Anyone else can read them too.

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