Manic High

Wow! I am going through a major manic episode today. I have Bipolar disorder and I ran out of my meds. Since I have no way to the pharmacy, I have to wait until tomorrow before I get my meds again. I have been without them for almost two weeks and I am starting to feel it now. I have to admit, I like the manic episodes because I have a ton of energy and can get more things done with housework and writing. So, after this blog post I am going to clean the house and start writing this story that is screaming in my head to get out. I haven't written fiction in a while and it is high time I get back into it.

I can tell I am going through a manic episode because I am talking and typing faster than usual. My mind is racing and I can't get the words out fast enough. I have excess energy and I feel like running a marathon! I would much rather have a manic episode than a low or depressed episode. When I am depressed I don't want to do anything and that includes clean my house.

So I am going to go clean house and write some stuff before I lose all of this extra energy. :)

Today is a Better Day

Today was much better than yesterday. I had more energy today and I was able to clean my whole house without forcing myself to. I cleaned everything. Scrubbed floors, cleaned the bathroom, did laundry. It felt good to actually do something positive for once.

It was nice outside too so the dogs were able to stay out most of the day. Which was a relief to me. I also wrote two articles for ehow and got one accepted for Associated Content. Demand Studios wants a re-write, of course so I have to work on that tomorrow. All in all it was a great day!

Tomorrow, I get paid from some of the programs I am in so I am going to do a bit of Christmas shopping online. I am going to buy my mom, dad's and husband's gifts online. Hopefully, it will be nice out so the dogs can stay out tomorrow too.

I hope this good feeling lasts a bit longer. I think my energy level came from the diet pills I am taking. I started taking Slimquick to help me lose a little weight and I think they are working finally. I hope so because they weren't cheap! :)

One of those days

It is one of those agitating days. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I have seven dogs and 6 puppies. Four dogs are in the house because of the rain and then there are the six puppies. At least they are still young enough to sleep all the time.

I knew what I was getting myself into when I took all these dogs in but geez, they can sure drive me nuts sometimes. Imagine living in a small trailer with a husband who likes to sit there and pick at you for fun and seven dogs to take care of. Five dogs sleep in the house at night until we get the fence up and I am still waiting on my husband to get off his butt and put it up. It is a nightmare right now.

On top of all of that I got my denial letter from Social Security the other day. I was planning on getting another bigger trailer brought in here to add on to this one so we can have more room. Now that I am not getting my money I thought I was going to get, no bigger trailer.

Christmas is right around the corner and I have been working my butt off online to buy Christmas gifts. I will only be able to buy everyone one thing this year. Itis really no different from last year and the year before.

I just need a break big time. I need someone to lend me some money so I can get a bigger trailer brought in here. Not only is it too small, but we are heating with one small heater in the living room, one small heater in the bedroom for the puppies, and the oven. I really hate Winter. I wish it was Spring or Summer all year round. That is why I would love to move to Florida someday. I wouldn't miss the snow or cold weather one bit since I have been living here in Ohio in the cold all my life.

I pray to God every day and night to give me one small break. This doesn't help my depression one bit. Sometimes it feels like everything happens at once and everything is falling down around me all the time.

Back to fighting with Social Security again. I even had a lawyer this time and still didn't win. I am so tired of fighting them but I will not give up. In the meantime, I will be writing articles until my eyes bug out.

SSI woes!

I applied for SSI 4 years ago and have had two hearings already. This time I had a lawyer and I still got denied. I am so sick of this crap with them. I am ready to give up but social security said not to. They said I will eventually get it. I was hoping I would have gotten it in time for Christmas but that isn't happening now. I am just tired of messing with them.

I suffer from social anxiety disorder and Bipolar disorder. My husband got it for being Bipolar and it only took him seven months. I have been fighting them for 4 years now. My brother-n-law got it for having a seizure disorder and it only took him two months. Neither one of them had to go to a hearing and they didn't have to get a lawyer. The lawyer I had was supposed to be one of the best in this area. When I went to the hearing, I had to do almost all of the talking. She was a half hour late and she mostly just sat there. When I appeal this time, I am getting a new lawyer.

I also suffer from depression and this time of year it is worse. The days are shorter and it is cold and snowy and rainy most of the time. We don't have a car and even if we did we couldn't go anywhere when the roads are bad. I really hate Winter and as much as I like Christmas, it looks like we won't have much of one because I don't make much money online. I make enough to get by. I will just have to work a little harder, as usual.

Anyway, I am a little depressed today because of getting denied and decided I would write it down and maybe feel a little better. I hope I get it next time.

Really Down Today

I am so depressed today. I got my meds back but I have to give them time to kink in again since I was without them for a while. I need to work because I need the money but I cannot concentrate on writing. I am having a hard time writing this post but I thought maybe I would feel better if I got this off of my chest. I hate feeling this way.

I am also depressed because I am trying to find a different job that doesn't require writing web content. I am sick of writing web content and it is harder to do when you have a hard time concentrating. I am looking for data entry work or something similar and I am not having any luck. I signed up with some freelance sites and applied for a few but haven't heard back. I guess it will take a while and, like most things, I shouldn't expect too much right away. That really sucks though.

The weather isn't helping my mood either. It is really dreary outside and reminds me that summer is almost over. I didn't get to do anything this summer at all. I stayed home because I couldn't afford to and I don't have a car. It sucks not having a car and having to bum a ride every time you need to go somewhere.

Well, that's it for now. I hope these meds kick in soon so I can get out of this brain fog I am in.

Bad day

I got my meds today and since I have been without them for so long I am having a hard time getting work done. I can't concentrate, I can't get my self to write an article and I just can't do anything. I hate having these mental conditions. It's not fair that I have to live like this.

I thought when I got my meds back that I would feel better, wrong. I feel just as bad if not worse. I have to get used to them all over again and it may take a while. IN the meantime, how am I going to accomplish anything? This is so not fair at all. Right now I feel like zombie and I just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide and never come out.

I just had to get that off my chest. I pray I feel better soon.

Yesterday Depressed, Today a Manic Episode!

Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I drug my butt around all day trying to get things done. The result, I did dishes, and wrote two blog posts and two articles. Not a very productive day to say the least. I also felt very worthless and was even having suicidal thoughts. It was a long and bad day and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

So today I woke up feeling energized and really good about myself. I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so different than yesterday. Then it hit me, I am having a manic episode. I am on a manic high right now! The reason for these mood swings is because I am Bipolar and I ran out of my medicine and although they are due now and I took them right, I can't get a ride to the pharmacy to get them until Thursday. So I have two more days of not knowing how I am going to feel when I wake up. I hate it!

On the bright side of all of this, I wrote two articles for Associated Content and three articles for Demand Studios today. Plus I just finished one blog post on my main blog and am writing this one now. Plus I am going to write on another one of my blogs. I am a writing fool today and even though I love the energy, I do not like how I got it. I hate Bipolar disorder.

So now I can't stop writing, which is a good thing. And I need to use up all of this energy before it runs out. I hope I get some sleep tonight.

Never, Ever Stop Taking Medication Suddenly

Bi polar disorder is no joke. It can make you feel really low one minute and really up and happy the next. There are medications your doctor will prescribe you if you are diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder that will help elevate your moods. With Bi Polar disorder your moods will fluctuate. One minute you can feel like you are Queen of the freaking world and all of a sudden you come crashing down to feel like you are worthless. This was how I felt before meds. I struggled with different medications until I found the right one. The only problem is it seems like my body gets used to the meds after so long and they quit working. Then I have to try something else and I have to go through it all over again. It is pure hell!

I was on Seroquel, Zoloft, and Klonopin for two years until I got tired of being tired all the time from the Seroquel. I quit taking it all of a sudden and here is what happened:

Why You Should Never Stop Taking Medication

If you read that you will know I became suicidal when I quit taking the Seroquel. The Zoloft wasn't working for me on it's own. I finally had a talk with my doctor and she put me on Abilify with the Seroquel and the Klonopin and they are working fine together.

Please, if you are on meds for depression, Bi Polar, or any other mental disease, never, ever stop taking your medication without first speaking to your doctor. If you read the blog post from the link above, you will understand why.