Wednesday, December 26, 2007

How was everyone's Christmas?

To tell you the truth mine was bad. I have been pretending that I was happy for all of my online friends but the truth is I didn't have a Christmas. My husband never did get out of jail like we were hoping and now he won't be out until January 17th so I didn't get my one and only Christmas wish. I hope everyone else had a good Christmas though. Since my hubby has been in jail I was put on Clonopin for my nerves. This is because of how depressed I have been from missing him so much. They help but I still miss him a lot and can't wait until he comes home. I am planning a big dinner and I am actually trying to make enough money online to be able to buy him a nice Christmas present for his homecoming.

I didn't want anyone to buy me anything but of course my mom bought me a nice warm robe and my aunt bought me a new hat and scarf. It was nice of them to think of me but I truly didn't want them to buy me anything because I couldn't afford to buy anyone anything because of the debt I am in. I only wanted one thing and that was for my husband to come home. Anyway I really didn't want to talk about this but I needed to get it off of my chest and what better way than to write it in my depression blog since I am depressed. Anyway, here's hoping that the New year brings all of us better things and here's to hoping that next Christmas will be better. I hope I didn't bring anyone down for writing this but I had to write it down to see if I could feel a little better. It really didn't work though. Thanks for reading my depressing ramblings.

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Sunday, December 9, 2007

Do you ask yourself "Why does God allow suffering?"

I will tell you from first hand experience that I have been through hell and back in my days. I am still young but I sure have been through a lot as, I'm sure, everyone has. We all have our bad days and our good days but what happens when we go through a really awful time and it seems like there is no hope of ever getting back to the good times? I can tell you the things I have been through have been hard and sometimes it seems like once something bad happens everything falls down on me after. Sometimes it's like a domino effect; one bad thing follows another and another and another until it seems like we just can't take it anymore and feel all hope is lost. But have you ever really sat down and thought about why these bad things happen? I have and to tell you the truth I have learned a lot of things while having a streak of bad luck. The terrible ordeals I have been through have only made me stronger and made me decide to reach out to God more.

In my last post I told you about how my husband went to jail for driving without his license and even though it is a bad thing because I miss him terribly I have realized that that was God's way of telling us "Hey you can't be driving." You know why he shouldn't be driving? Because he has a seizure disorder and the last time he was behind the wheel he had a seizure while driving and almost died. About a short month after he went to court, and this was his second offense, and the judge sentenced him to 90 days in jail. Sure we were upset, mad, even angry with God. We wondered why God could let this happen. I think there are a couple of other reasons this happened to us. One reason could be because I depended on my husband too much and I think I needed to learn how to live on my own and take care of myself and do things that I never had to do before because my husband was always here to do them. I never, ever imagined that I would be without him one day but you know what? This is not the only time I will be without him and this is only temporary because he will hopefully be home within the next week or so. I have realized that one day, if his time comes before mine, he will be gone and I won't get to be with him again until I get to heaven. So maybe this was God's way of telling me I had to live on my own and do things for myself. For example, one of my cats died a couple of weeks ago, she was only about a month old, and I found her dead and cried my eyes out of course but my husband wasn't here to bury her like he has done for all of our other animals we have lost over the years. So I buried her and I have never buried an animal before in my entire life. But I did it and it wasn't hard to do, except it was hard on my heart, but it wasn't physically hard.

Another thing I have learned, and my husband has too since being in jail and away from me, is that we have such a deep and strong love for each other we can get through anything life throws at us. It seems our love has grown even stronger since we have been apart and we miss each other so much it hurts but we know it won't be too much longer before he gets home. This is just another example of God trying to tell us something.

Anyway I found a wonderful website that talks about reasons why God allows suffering. There is so much evil in this world and a lot of suffering. A lot of people are suffering much more than I am and I have also learned that. Some people think their life is so bad that no one can possibly have it worse but a lot of people are so much worse off than you and I. What about the homeless? What about people in different countries who are starving or freezing to death? What about the many innocent people who die in terrorists attacks every day in certain countries? What about children who are abused either sexually, mentally, or physically? Think about what they might be going through and then ask yourself if your life is really that bad.

I know people who complain about everything and I do mean everything. They complain about the house they live in or the car they drive or the job they have. They complain about the food they eat and the clothes they wear. Ok to those people I say, at least you have a house to live in and a car to drive. At least you have a job and even if it doesn't pay that much at least it pays the bills. At least you have clothes to wear and food to eat. A lot of people don't have homes, food, cars, jobs, money or anything. So be thankful for what you do have and Thank God for what you do have. I know I am thankful every day for the roof over my head and food in my fridge. I might not have money for Christmas presents this year but the best Christmas present I could have is my husband home and food on our table. That is all I want. Of course I want things to get better for everyone but I am not worried about going out and spending money on presents that I don't have because all I need is my family and a nice dinner to sit down to with them.

Sorry for the long article but this website really made me think about life and why people suffer. The reason I have come up with is because God wants us to learn from the bad things that happen. I can't really say why God allows so many people to suffer such as the homeless, or abused children but I can say that the bad things I have gone through have made me the strong person I am today and has made me really reach out to God and to be thankful for the things I do have instead of complaining about the things I don't have. Why worry about material possessions in this world when we won't be taking them with us to the next world?

Anyway if you do have that question burning in your mind and heart, "Why does God allow suffering?" then please click on the link and check out this wonderful website. There is a course you can take to help you understand more about why there is so much suffering in the world today and maybe even open you up to new ideas and new insights about God and how much He does love all of us and is there for all of us. Maybe this course will help you to understand more about God's will and what he wants you to do with your life. We all have a purpose in life and maybe this will help you find yours. Anyway God bless and Merry Christmas!