I figured out my problem last night as I was sitting here trying to figure out why I don't enjoy my work anymore. I used to get up at 6AM and start work so I could get everything done. I would be excited to start work for the day and would put a pot of coffee on and start working. See, I have one of the easiest jobs there is, titling for Demand Studios and I used to enjoy it. At first I thought I was burnout on it from doing it every day and that still may be part of my problem. However, I can't even get myself to write articles like I used to and I remember feeling this way before I started taking anti-depressants. So the depression is back in full force. I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat. I have to force myself to work and I have to even force myself to write in these blogs I have. So I am going to call my doctor here in a little bit and tell them I need an earlier appointment to get something done with my meds. I can't live like this. All I want to do is sleep and I can't afford to sleep all day long. I just hate life right now and want to run away.
Yesterday I was irritated bad and then it turned into being depressed. I feel like I shouldn't have been born because, really, what is so good about my life. Yeah I have a good job or jobs you might want to say. But I can't even enjoy those jobs anymore. I want to run away to Florida where no one knows me and I din't know anyone and where it is warm all the time. I just want to run away and hide because I can't go through this depression again.
1 comment:
Hello Wilson,
I am sorry I am replying to this late, but I hope you'll still find it useful.
You're not alone Wilson, though I wouldn't say I have depression but recently I force myself to work too. I used to have no problem writing articles for my sites and doing all I have planned for the day, but recently it all seems like I huge task, all I want to do is lie on my bed and watch movies all day. I have always love watching movies, but not like this. Even when there is no movie to watch and I switch on my laptop, I still wouldn't feel like doing something productive.
I have been complaining to friends about it, why all of a sudden I can't seem to control myself from watching movies, the only conclusion I came to is that I am not happy and my body is reacting to that. It seems I am hiding behind the movies so I don't think about what's bothering me. Anyway, whatever it is I am fighting it, at times I win like now, and sometimes it wins completely. But that's okay.
I have said all this to let you know you're not alone. Even when some of us don't have clinical depression, we still struggle at times to be ourselves.
I am glad you want to talk to your doctor, that's a good idea. Running away is never the answer, in fact many have found that reaching out to loved ones and allowing them support them very helpful.
I am sure there must be something worth living for, being depressed is not the end of the world, there are some famous names like Abraham Lincoln and Winson Churchill who struggled too with depression, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
You can get through this, just let your loved ones and doctor help you.
If you think you're becoming suicidal though, I suggest you get professional help immediately.
Karol
http://www.copingwithdepressioncenter.com
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