I had an unproductive day yesterday work wise and house cleaning wise. I planned on cleaning the house before we left to go into town but I just sat here and did nothing because I had no desire to do anything, not even work a little. So I told myself I would clean when I got back and then work. That didn't happen either. We got home around 7:30 PM and I just sat here again feeling run down and tired. I didn't do anything to make myself tired either. I just went to my mother-n-law's for a little visit and then to Wal-Mart for about $40 worth of food. How is that tiring? It's not at all but I have no energy and I now know what my problem is. I need my meds bad! I have been without for almost three weeks. My doctor would kill me if she knew it has been that long. I don't even think I can go see her next Tuesday because I still have no health insurance. A friend offered to help and I said no but now I am re-thinking my answer because I am stumped as to what to do about this problem. I not only need my depression and Bipolar meds but I need to get an MRI done on my back. I might email her and ask her what she can do for me. I hate to ask for help but I don't think I have a choice now. I need meds to get me through this depression.
I don't want to do anything. I have a stack of dishes and a kitchen that needs cleaned and I am going to have to force myself to get this done. I have $50 or more in titling to do for Demand Studios that I will have to force myself to do. I want to get back into fiction again but now I have no desire for it. I want to submit to magazines and get my stuff and name published in print but, yet again, no desire for that either right now. It is beautiful outside for the second day in a row here in Ohio but I don't care. I hate living like this. The only thing I want to do is crawl in a hole somewhere and hide from everyone. I don't want these responsibilities anymore. I have pets that need me and a husband. I have a stepson also but he is 21 and can take good care of himself.
I slept in today and didn't mean to so that means late night working again. I need to get back into my regular working schedule but it is hard to do when you don't want to do anything. I will get through the day but it is hard.
1 comment:
I could have written this myself. My entire life has been on a downhill slide and I cannot make myself get up and do anything. Depression is a truly horrible thing and I have no insurance to go to the doctor. If I could get through one day without crying, it would be amazing.
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