I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Degenerative Disc Disease and Arthritis of the back. I cannot go out in public without having panic attacks. I have severe mood swings which consist of severe depression and severe anger. I cannot stand in one spot too long before my back starts hurting severely and I cannot sit in one spot too long without a pillow behind my back before it starts hurting really bad. I am on medication for the depression, Bipolar and social anxiety disorder but it doesn't help all the time. I still have these problems. I used to be on meds for the rest but lost my medical so had to quit going to see my family doctor. The only reason I am on meds for mental health is because they are giving me free meds and allowing me to see a doctor for free until I get on SSI. Yet, today I get another denial letter from Social Security saying I am not disabled. How the hell do they know I am not disabled? They don't know what I go through every day just to get through the day. Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed. Sometimes I want to die and think of ways to kill myself. The only reason I haven't committed suicide yet is because for one I am afraid of death and two, I don't want to leave my family behind and hurt them. I am so sick of fighting with social security! I just want to give up but I can't. If I give up I lose my medication and the little bit of help I am getting now. I can't go through that again!
They can give it to drug addicts and alcoholics and they can give it to people who pretend they have problems just so they don't have to work anymore yet they don't want to give it to me. My dad says it is because of my age but I know people who are on it and are the same age or younger. Yeah, I am 31 years old. I know I am young but dammit, this isn't fair at all.
I have to appeal it now and have 60 days to appeal it before having to apply again. I have to write them a letter asking to appeal. I cannot write it today because I will go off in the letter and tell them how I feel about their system. So I will have to give myself a couple of days to calm down before I write the letter. Then, I think I will get a lawyer again like I did last time. Not the same one I had before because they didn't help obviously. A different one that will maybe actually help me this time. I am so sick of this life!
7 comments:
Clarissa,
So sorry you are going through this. Good luck with the appeal.
Hi I read your blog and found it incredibly interesting. I know exactly how you feel and can completely relate to this! I was able to turn my life around a few years ago and feel very grateful for this!
Thanks for the comments both of you.
When I got on SSI, I had NO INCOME at all. That is what it is for - to help people with no income because they can't get or keep a job. I had a lot of trouble getting work because I have a physical disability and companies still blatantly discriminate. (I also suffer from depression.)
You are wasting you time trying to get SSI. When I started to earn too much money from working at home, I lost my SSI. You can't make more than $60 or so a month to keep SSI. (Ridiculous, but true.) I am guessing with TB, MC and DS you make substantially more than that each month.
Even if SSi is now saying that you are not disabled, at some point they will tell you that you make too much freelance income to qualify.
On the other hand if you are only getting free meds and doctor care because the medical facility thinks you will one day get SSI, then carry on with your appeal process and keep re-applying. But based on your freelance work you are not eligible for SSI no matter how many physical and mental problems you have. If you do get SSI based on your health then they will ask about income and if you are honest, the SSI will stop. (Many people aren't honest that is how they keep their SSI.)
You have a better chance of getting SSDI. Also if you just need medical help, apply for Medicaid. It is automatic with SSI, but you can still get it if you are low-income.
Good luck.
By the way, the SSA is the most incompetent government agentcy on the planet.
Actually,this is not true, anonymous. You can make $1,300 a month while on SSI. And FYI, I am not making much at all with the content mills. Also, I don't qualify for SSDI because I have only had two jobs in my whole life. So I don't have enough credits for it. I already tried it. Also, I have to keep appealing in order to stay on my meds. Anyway, thanks for visiting and commenting. :)
I also believed that I could make up to $1300 a month and still get SSI. But it is NOT TRUE!!! What I discovered is that if you get food stamps you can make up to $1300 a month. I have several documents from the SSA about my income being too high for SSI. Even though I never made more than $900 a month from freelance work, apparently I should not have been getting SSI. The SSA says I was overpaid SSI and that I now owe thousands of dollars. Each month the SSA takes out some money from my SSDI to pay back the SSI. Do you think they would be doing this if I could make up to $1300 each month?
Last year I got on SSDI. I never applied so it was a surprise. Apparently my five years of freelance work gave me enough credits to quality.
I was on SSI for years before I lost it due to making too much money - again about $900 a month. For a brief period I got SSI and SSDI. I know what I am talking about.
Believe me or don't believe me. If you ever get on SSI and are honest about your income when inevitably SSA asks about it, you will see that I was right. I have no reason to lie. And I certainly wouldn't waste my time lying to a stranger on a blog.
Good luck with your financial situation.
I know what you mean when you say you don't want to hurt your family, that's all that's kept me going!
I've been in the darkest places but it does get better, if only for a few days. Hang in there! x
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