Sunday, August 23, 2009

Really Down Today

I am so depressed today. I got my meds back but I have to give them time to kink in again since I was without them for a while. I need to work because I need the money but I cannot concentrate on writing. I am having a hard time writing this post but I thought maybe I would feel better if I got this off of my chest. I hate feeling this way.

I am also depressed because I am trying to find a different job that doesn't require writing web content. I am sick of writing web content and it is harder to do when you have a hard time concentrating. I am looking for data entry work or something similar and I am not having any luck. I signed up with some freelance sites and applied for a few but haven't heard back. I guess it will take a while and, like most things, I shouldn't expect too much right away. That really sucks though.

The weather isn't helping my mood either. It is really dreary outside and reminds me that summer is almost over. I didn't get to do anything this summer at all. I stayed home because I couldn't afford to and I don't have a car. It sucks not having a car and having to bum a ride every time you need to go somewhere.

Well, that's it for now. I hope these meds kick in soon so I can get out of this brain fog I am in.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Bad day

I got my meds today and since I have been without them for so long I am having a hard time getting work done. I can't concentrate, I can't get my self to write an article and I just can't do anything. I hate having these mental conditions. It's not fair that I have to live like this.

I thought when I got my meds back that I would feel better, wrong. I feel just as bad if not worse. I have to get used to them all over again and it may take a while. IN the meantime, how am I going to accomplish anything? This is so not fair at all. Right now I feel like zombie and I just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide and never come out.

I just had to get that off my chest. I pray I feel better soon.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Yesterday Depressed, Today a Manic Episode!

Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I drug my butt around all day trying to get things done. The result, I did dishes, and wrote two blog posts and two articles. Not a very productive day to say the least. I also felt very worthless and was even having suicidal thoughts. It was a long and bad day and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

So today I woke up feeling energized and really good about myself. I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so different than yesterday. Then it hit me, I am having a manic episode. I am on a manic high right now! The reason for these mood swings is because I am Bipolar and I ran out of my medicine and although they are due now and I took them right, I can't get a ride to the pharmacy to get them until Thursday. So I have two more days of not knowing how I am going to feel when I wake up. I hate it!

On the bright side of all of this, I wrote two articles for Associated Content and three articles for Demand Studios today. Plus I just finished one blog post on my main blog and am writing this one now. Plus I am going to write on another one of my blogs. I am a writing fool today and even though I love the energy, I do not like how I got it. I hate Bipolar disorder.

So now I can't stop writing, which is a good thing. And I need to use up all of this energy before it runs out. I hope I get some sleep tonight.